the ending gives a circular feel, where culminations are inevitably returned to the start, without the sense that anything happened really. It's like a somber, safe, and unexciting but immersive moment of incompletion. this ending line specifically: 'But wait. Then again, there he was after all in the journal entry in his complex environment.'
what's some good ambient music for an old journal, with breaths and the huffs of a nearby forge, as if they're in a stone structure intended for long-form reading, a smithy, and quiet, periodically visited hush-hush cafe at the corner, and various windows which point to a large area where tropical trees flow. There could be rain too, at times. The steps are quick, like fresh dogs under a bridge, who are trying to remain hidden yet swift. When the steps hit the floor, they sound like chalk. The tables smoothen the hands, thereby making a noise every time a man presses his hands and smoothly slides them against in a single direction. His hands are quickly removed in time for one of the members of his party to arrive, bringing various items and valuables, but most importantly, small plates of food with a coffee in a plastic container. The city outside uses plastic; despite the homely, old feel, they are in a vast city in a mall. But it is well-contained, and the tropical trees outside do signify a small forest surrounding the area, as this mall is vast and large, offering park-like areas and sparsely spread structures like this in which to hide and rest for safety and security from the rain and from the sense of confusion which a vast flat land offers, even with the readiness of a nearby tropical jungle environment, but which is blocked anyway partially by the walls surrounding and separating different sectors of the mall. The city is large, offering a view to a volcano at a nearby lake, a single ride away. Returning to the structure where the old journal is being read, his clothes and cuffs lightly press against his arms, his shoulders stretching comfortably and unnoticeably. He recognizes his safety here and welcomes it, a smile lightly pressed on his lips, but not so much that it messes his stride or momentum. When he sits, it is as if he is standing with the way he postures with no hurry, yet with a standard proportional balance that tempers the innate urges to proclaim territorial control. It is here that the humanist is measured and kindly watchful that he might challenge those who do seek his end. He cuts off the silence and enters down into his journal; clocking and timing his movements and reading stride that he isn't too strict or too wild. He recognizes his own fingers; that he smoothly rubs them as he shifts his posture. The rougher he takes his posture, the more a sense of solidity emerges. He watched the window and all the features and lingering characteristics, that he might view the emergent features of this occasion, that he might occasion a smile to arise from his very lips. He stooped, bending toward and into a journal entry he read. A smell clogs his nose; immersing him in a dark tone of coffee. He sipped quickly like a man happening to lose his way and in a hurry to destroy himself, but he was careful, very delicate. He knew what he didn't, and he knew that well. What he did not know, which he knew, was that all of this would end. It was a simple mistake to glance askance and take the coffee by the hand for a dance. They kicked their legs forward and raised their arms that they might release it wildly. He sang a song, pushing further and further in, the balance deteriorating, but the joy overwhelming. He sipped the syrupy taste, however bitter people called it, knowing well that it was too joyous not to take joy in coffee. Later, while he was writing with a silver pen, he dabbed his face with a tissue, notwithstanding the noise that came with even just a nip of dab. The mouth releases its saliva within, pooling and pooling until it reached a culmination, by which point the man was already sipping voraciously the coffee, entertaining his lips and tongue with the effervescent dark coffee somberness. He beautifully emerged again with a biscuit in his mouth, biting like a nut-cracker. He raised his hands, and they soon alighted upon the tips of his hips through his trousers. The sounds of this sensitive touch were like buttery doves 'nascently' raising their hands for a singular train. It was too hard to describe and comprehend: he might just lose it! The energies entertaining the air are 'sporadious!' But wait. Then again, there he was after all in the journal entry in his complex environment.
I know making Youtube videos is a very personal thing, but I've been writing and studying much. And I want to expand my scope to video logs, but I also recognize that it is very specific to a person. I will record myself talking about my life in hopes of stimulating my talking skills. It is not that I have not recorded videos and published them on the Internet or am new to the Internet. I am also the type to record myself a lot through videos. It's just that recently, I've come to recognize that recording and publishing video logs is challenging, as I feel that I have no control over what I say or do. This is why I've decided that every time I record and publish a video, I will use AI to analyze the video and ensure that I am strictly aware of what I'm just said in the video recording that I should allow it to be published. The goal is stimulating that side of communication, video communication, and I recognize that being consistent will require much confidence and coherence on my sides, as learning to balance between self-expression with myself and self-expression with others will require a delicate, precise balance, one that I believe I have cultivated over the last three years of digital exploration, writing skill refinement, studying proficiency (of academic texts) and all manner of self-expression and Internet experimentation that I might learn to analyze what I must through my self-recording and subsequent publishing. This is more than just communication, as it stems firstly from a balanced and recognizable communication with myself and with my broader everything. This will require a very fluid and flexible focus that acts upon politeness and niceties, while still being surgically precise, bold, and comprehensive. This will be like establishing a claim of land upon a singular location, in hopes of establishing even more points of claim. This is a test of my spirit and of my boldness, but also of my ability to navigate myself as I, the person who expresses, journeys onward and back and rectilinearly that I might find a sense of perfect symmetry, one which I disjoint asymmetrically for the sake of aesthetic and efficiency testing and innovative thinking, with the hopes of cultivating a sense of self throughout and despite a chaotic world. I prefer to keep my videos impromptu; this way I am not entirely contingent upon scripts to navigate an otherwise chaotic environment. I understand that a self-contained video does wonders for concise and clear communication; but in all cases of the word, "clarity" can also come with certain needs, such as easygoing relaxedness. If a person relies much on a script to act with precision, he loses the flavors which he might otherwise develop on his own through self-reflection (which can be supposed to occur before the video). This is like dancing upon a teapot and readily breaking it instead in hopes of ridding the legs and the ankles of their aches and difficulties and then buying a standard teapot that it might serve justice where the legs could not. This gives weight away; but it rids the individual of much needed sustenance, that of the soul, that when he conducts himself in front of society that he might reveal himself without pretentious or presumptuousness. It is a matter of time before he clocks out, so he must readily take opportunities as they stand, licking the drops of nectar which pour from a pouring rain, which is haphazard and heavy-loaded. This is what it means to act upon instinct and readily crafted behavior, not that of fakeness, but of a still understanding of the self through explicitly written analyses, that which takes the form of momentary stillness and precise recognizition of the details, that everything flows like a creative waterfall. This is how the mind wanders and surgically attacks, that communication, albeit it is broken up and a bit disjointed, is readily acceptable because it does not need introduction or intro or sectioned phrasing. It must come to be itself, by which it flows to tomorrow, that magic becomes elementary, and all things become sorrowfully poignant (in the case of a saddened reflection, but basically with the point being that all things come with meaning when they are no so easily scrutinized in video, and precision and scripts only fill that, when the individual as he speaks to himself out of himself and for himself recognizes what he must and what he does not want, so that he speaks out of the nuances which he has learned to avoid or navigate around, and which has must ingrained to him, that he might create, by his words, a habitual phrasing, a personality, a soul, that is unique to him. This is his wordless mouth, which creates meaning in virtue of soul, not that created through the silence of words. However, this might be considered logocentrism.
analyze video. analyze facial expressions. analyze what he's saying. analyze value or depth (as opposed to generic and placeholder-like kinds) of content:
No but seriously, living in Asia and how cities and towns are structured can really be much more dense than let's say the US. I can see why there is an argument being made that it extends to how the individuals living either in Asia or in the US perceive and process information, whether holistically or more analytically, especially with regard to how space and culture is delineated, founded, ingrained, and characteristic. For example, living in the Philippines, which is relatively small but is very dense, has affected the way I view people and has made it challenging for me to adopt simply an individualist perspective, given that I have travelled much and befriended hundreds of people in my life. I live in a very dense and interconnected world, with everything densely compact. Indeed, I have met all kinds of ethnic cultures within this country, and it is not strange to see foreigners and even indigenous groups depending on how far and poly-varied one has explored and immersed.
Is it bad that I can study for the rest of my life? I'm not just studying. I'm writing and sharing my insights online by publishing the commonplace book. I have a version for myself and a version that I publish. I am also making precursors to sharing my knowledge and expertise to Wikipedia and to discourse. But that will take time, and I will spent much time studying and writing to build up a portfolio and to train my skills. This will be an academic project, but also a personal project. So that is why I love reading non-fiction and studying all kinds of academic texts. It falls immediately into my written reflections, which are seeing signs of increased intertextuality the more that I read. This growing tendency to cite will naturally lend to an academic disposition in on-the-spot written reflection.
I realize that math is much easier to learn than history and technology, especially right now when technology is ever-expanding and -growing. History is just so big that becoming an '-ologist' in every part of the world and knowing every single event, place, area, geography, historical context and opinions during those times, and even the literature is practically infinite. My goal is to create my own commonplace sector for each subject and topic, even subdividing it to particular authors or books, like one would do with philosophers. I'm basically creating a comprehensive analysis response framework for each sector and subdivision. This can also extend to fiction novels and such.
honestly, the legitimacy of Wikipedia in terms of bringing people into the fold of education cannot be denied, especially for those who have limited access to books, a home Wi-fi, and expensive robust computers. Without its presence, I would have struggled to direct my attention toward appreciating academic texts; however Wikipedia is only one resource now in this vast recent world of technological tools. But its fundamental digital presence cannot be replaced or denied as of now.
I have many times written about my life, even if the written reflections have repeatedly concerned the same events, because it is absolutely necessary to be as comprehensive as possible and to maintain a current of memorial continuity; because if I neglect self-documentation. I am changing everyday, and it would be nice to ensure that whatever mental or cognitive state I am in is extended throughout my documentation journey; that if any state of mind or point of mind during my extended journey provides unique details that my most recent self would not remember, or upon which this self would have little motivation in expanding. This is crucially why this multi-period process is essential. I have changed many times during my life; but maintaining an undercurrent of self is essential. Even if my past self has offered insights, it would be good to subsume it for the sake of streamlining it into a coherent identity throughout my entire life. In other words, making sure that I am continuously dynamically multi-recognizing and extracting from each period the 'myself' during that time to form a framework throughout which all unique puzzle pieces are stored from the extraction. I will call this 'framework-calibration.' So both past-oriented and present-forward orientations (framework-calibrating) are at most priority and profit procurement: with regard to identity-fringe collection, as the identity is composed of fringes, especially during the early years all the up to adulthood, during which fringes are streamlined and consolidated. I am engaging in a systematic, preeminent form of this. What determines consolidation of the identity? Are the factors really contingent upon life events for the continued evolution of the identity? I've know that identity can be impaired, but I wonder whether my identity evolved linearly all this time. And the only reason I perceive the idea of fringes could be due to recency bias, in the case of which all past memories and periods of my life before negative life events have been made separated and disparate due to those life events. So due to the turmoil of the recent years (late 2018 to 2024), I perceive the years before that with a sense that they were all fringes or disjointed disparate elements needing consolidating upon adulthood. So my identity might have remained consistently evolving, but it was only recently that I have focused on concentrating or consolidating it for the sake of moving on and picking up my bag again and starting anew. I guess it is also up to the person. If they are the type to look for new experiences, they will find it. In a sense, their identity changes overtime; in a sense, they have been the same curious person all those years, even if they have grown outwardly and in terms of experiences, skills, and knowledge.